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The following are the humble thoughts
of one USAF "Hog" pilot. The "Hog" is
the unofficial but affectionate moniker given to the A-10
Thunderbolt by the pilots who fly these attack jets. Someone
pulled this off the Air Force Academy's (very unofficial) message
board. Written by a '96 grad who apparently flies A-10s and
refers to himself as “Zero.”
"Well, now, much like Grinch, I too have my warpaint on...I
had to go back to my Xtreme Air Force recruiting campaign from
March of this year to add fuel to my fires of anger and a need
to, as Limp Bizkit shouts "Break your FUCKING FACE
TONIGHT!!! GIVE ME SOMETHING TO BREAK!!!"
Make no mistake about it...this war is gonna be a Hawgdrivers
dream ... no more of this sending GPS guided bombs from the
ionosphere ... I want to camp out on the enemy's
border... I want to yell across the border in the immortal
words of Wyatt Earp (as portrayed by Kurt Russell and not Kevin
Fucking Costner), "You tell 'em I'm coming! AND HELL'S
COMING WITH ME!!"
I wanna punch Bin Laden in the face and say, "You gonna do
something? Or just stand there and bleed?" And then I
wanna laugh maniacally as my 30mm shells decimate his
camps. I ain't talking about the Armor Piercing shells this
time, although the thought of poisoning their lungs (if, in the
unlikely event they survived my attack) with the dirty dust of
spent uranium is quite refreshing... That would make the
cloud over New York seem like pure Oxygen. I want High
Explosive Incendiary rounds ... 1150 of the mother fuckers fired
2 or 3 hundred at a time ... Like 3 hundred grenades
exploding all at once ... And that's just my jet ...
The three coming with me brings that total to 16 cans of CBU-87
... That's 3,232 individual submunitions for the motherfuckers
... That's what I want.
I want 4 Maverick missiles per jet ... That's 16 of those
motherfuckers ... And if we run outta trucks and other small
things to hit with those missiles, I wanna find out what a
maverick will do when it locks onto a piece of shit terrorist and
hits him at just over 1000 feet per second ... There might not be
enough deceleration to detonate the thing but at that speed
... I don't think it would be necessary.
And I want 2 pods of rockets hanging from my wings ... 7
white phosphorous and 7 HEI ... I want the Willie Petes to put a
cloud of smoke to climb into the sky to let everyone following to
know... That's where the gettin' is good...And the
HEI...Well, I just want FRAG in the air tearing apart their
greasy scumbag bodies the same way they tore into our nation ...
And then we'll start cleaning up with the almighty General
Electric GAU-8/A Avenger cannon ... What a perfect fucking
name ... AVENGER CANNON!!!
FUCK IT, if that's all I had, that's all I'd want ... 4 hawgs
with 4600 of our little friends... lock and load, hammer
down!!!!! But that's just my personal end ...
Here's what else I want ... I want John Madden, Terry
Bradshaw and Howie Long to take over CNN, NBC, ABC and every
other news network to provide coverage of this war ... I
want Madden with his electronic chalkboard out there describing
what's going on ... "You see here across the top of
the screen, that ridge line is exactly where the attack is gonna
come from ...
You'll see the Warthawgs come popping over them and unleash a
fury that we haven't seen since Lawrence Taylor was on the prowl
... Speaking of that, here they come and BAM!!! These
guys are great ... They remind me of linemen ... They
don't get much press coverage but when they hit you, man do you
know it!!!"
I want Hank Williams Jr and Lee Greenwood belting out I'M
PROUD TO BE ANAMERICAN as the intro to Monday Night
AirStrikes ... Fight night would have a whole new meaning
now ... I want to see Sports Center air the HIT OF THE DAY
... "Today's strike comes from a flight of two A-10
Warthogs ... You'll see here that some terrorist got the wild
idea that he could shoot at these guys ... You can see the
missile come up and totally miss the two jets ... And here you
see as they roll in and unleash that awesome gun on the point of
origin ... Nothing left there now! And that's our
PLAY OF THE DAY!!"
I want Mills Lane in the field giving play by play descriptions,
I want Flight of the Valkyries playing at full bore from
every mountainside as we run in at 100 fucking feet .... I
want WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE playing after the first bomb
hits and when I'm WINCHESTER ammunition, I wanna land on Bin
Laden's personal airstrip, grab him by his twisted, dead neck and
poke him in the eyes and say “MOTHERFUCKER... YOU JUST GOT
KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!!!!"
I want the NFL cheerleaders to send us off to war, and the XFL
cheerleaders to welcome us home. And while we're at
it? I don't just want to beat the shit outta these
scumbags, I want to humiliate them too. I want this war to
be financed by Hooters, Penthouse, and Hustler. I want
C-130s, C-5s,C-17s, and 141s loaded with crates and crates of the
filthiest porn Larry Flint can dole out, and I want to airdrop it
all across the fucking countries we're fighting...
Including IRAQ. I want every one of those greasy scumbags
to see dirtiest porn imaginable... I'm talking 3 and 4
chicks with super double jelly dongs... Bondage, all that
nasty shit. And I want Baghdad littered with the
shit. Fuck 'em!!
I want to see Shwartzkopf come outta
retirement to start kicking some ass... I want a cure for
Alzheimers right now to get Reagan back in working order and like
Dennis Leary says, "I want a cure for cancer to thaw out the
Duke and see just how pissed off he is right now." I
want STUKA terror sirens mounted to the wings of my Hawg
... Although the unique whine of our engines is about all
the terror siren we'll need right now ... All right, Zero
... slow down ... breathe ... in ... out.
ok ...
I think the coffee has worn off a bit now and I should get back
to work. Motherfuckers - you just picked the wrong people to fuck
with ... Not such a good day to be a bad guy."
"To the guilty: May God have mercy on you ... because we
won't!" - John McCain.
Zero
Just curious, readers …
How does this prose piece make you feel? I’d like
to post some reactions. –
Arthur
Shuey
I love this guy
–
a USAF noncom
I'm glad that the people who have to
fight this war have the attitude that this young pilot has IF we
HAVE to fight a war, because that's the only attitude which will
allow us to prevail in battle. However, a holy war with a bunch
of Muslims is not necessarily the greatest thing to ever happen,
could last a long, long time, and thousands of little American
boys like the young pilot could lose their lives, leaving their
families, and our country bereft. Fighting an unknown enemy
is also treacherous. Zealotry and fanaticism, regardless of
the cause, are usually dangerous and reduce us to the same level
as the terrorists who are trying to ravage our country.
Most of the people with flags flying from their cars have
no clue as to what's going on and are just jumping on a
bandwagon, having no idea where it's going and haven't considered
the true magnitude of the situation or the ramifications of
any improper action on our part. But then, most people have
trouble pronouncing anthrax and know less about chemicals than
they know about germ warfare. The horizon looks pretty
murky and unpleasant to me.
–
A social worker
I hope it doesn't come to that, but
who knows what will happen?
–
A legal assistant
Nothing like unbridled agression to get the home team in the fighting spirit!!!! All i can say is where is my rifle, put me in coach- I'M READY TO PLAY!!!! Former US Army infantry sniper
"US Sniper's, providing surgical strikes since 1776"